I was reading about events in Alabama of this past year or two. Wow! Let me try to summarize:
Governor of Alabama is having an affair. He enlists staff and State Police to help try to cover it up. State Attorney General Luther Strange (you can’t make these names up) gets wind of that and launches investigation of Gov for abuse of power. Senator Jeff Sessions is offered position of U.S. Attorney General, and resigns his seat to take the position. Alabama law calls for special election to replace Sessions, but Gov says no that’s too expensive and announces he will appoint the new Senator. And guess what? The result is Strange. No really, he picks none other than State Attorney General Luther Strange. Despite state law, Strange is seated as U.S. Senator from Alabama. Investigation of governor ends, but governor is impeached. New governor announces there will be a special election for Senator after all. Not to worry, Luther Strange is allowed to remain in Senate, reliably voting to Make America Great Again.
Meanwhile, twice defrocked Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore announces he will run against Strange for the nomination. Moore’s past flouting of law got him removed from elected position of Alabama Chief Justice. That was in 2003. He ran for the seat again. Alabama elected him again. He flouted law again. He was removed again. That was in 2016. Roy Moore feels eminently qualified to run for U.S. Senate in this state, and apparently he is. He defeats Luther Strange, and rides into the general election on his horse Sassy, head held high, pistol in his pocket, and Bible in his hand.
Whoops! It turns out there is another political party in Alabama. It’s called the Democrat Party. (There is no Democratic Party in Red State America, only the Democrat Party.) The nominee from that other party had a distinguished career in law, having prosecuted two members of the KKK and perpetrators of the horrific Birmingham church bombing which killed four little African American girls in 1963. (The wheels of justice turn slowly in Alabama, for some unknown reason.) But Roy Moore is not to be outdone in characteristics of tolerance and the struggle for equality, as his smirking wife loudly and proudly proclaimed. After all, one of their attorneys is a Jew! So there! Take that!
Yes, in terms of character, and respect for the law, and tolerance for disparate points of view amongst his fellow men, one candidate stood out. But he decided to run in Alabama anyway, despite zero chance of victory. Then we all learned that while in his thirties and while an assistant attorney general, Moore had trolled for teen-aged girls at local shopping malls and high school sock hops. Well in Alabama they’ll vote for a guy who flouts the law, is an icon of intolerance, and has been criticized for poor horsemanship. But vote for a creepy? Actually yes, 650,436 people of Alabama did vote for a creepy. But for 671,151 voters that was a bridge too far. The Democrat won! At least we thought he had won. Roy Moore refused to concede. He claimed voter fraud. He filed lawsuit to get the election overturned. Unfortunately the court ruled it had no jurisdiction. Moore, former Chief Justice of Alabama, had filed suit in the wrong court. That’s what you call a bad week.
Thus ends this tale of the great state of Alabama. Well, at least for now. Moore has announced that because the new governor had the audacity to agree the Democrat should be certified the winner of this election, he is considering running against her next time around. Stay tuned.
And in case you’re feeling all smug and schadenfreude-y about this, remember, Alabama is part of America. In fact, in so many ways, Alabama is America.